How To See the Best in Others

Be somebody who makes everybody feel like a somebody.

BlogFinding the good in others can prove to be very beneficial. The more positives you see in others, the more you see in yourself.

This helps build self-esteem and self confidence in others and yourself which impacts your happiness and success. For some reason, we tend to give more focus on negative experiences, thoughts and information than we do on the positive. Because of this negative bias we are more likely to notice the bad than the good in others. I think that is so sad. We need to be recognized for our own positive qualities and full potential. But it takes intentional effort.

When you think positive, people tend to act more positive. To really be able to see the best in others, you first must have an open heart and an open mind.

“When you think positive, people tend to act more positive.”

So here are a few ways to see the best in others.

  • Be helpful – Take the time to get to know people and focus on their strengths and positive characteristics. Be open to new relationships. Give compliments to others. Be an encourager.
  • Be realistic – Having a high expectation of others can be a positive influence. You have to be careful of it being too high of a standard, so avoid expecting others to be perfect all the time.
  • Demonstrate it – Simple gestures can show others that you think positively about them and appreciate connecting with them. A simple smile shows comfort and openness.

When starting to practice these steps, you will have a much more positive view of other people, and you will also start to see the positive attributes within yourself as well.

Life Is a Sacred Path of Discovery

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You always had the power, my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself.” – Glinda the Good Witch

I came across this quote today. It took me back to when I was a little girl and the first time I watched The Wizard of Oz. Oh what a feeling of joy! It became a huge part of my childhood.

Before we had satellite TV, we had the basic TV stations, so every year a week before Thanksgiving The Wizard of Oz  would come on channel 7 at 7:30pm. My sister and brother would make a bowl of popcorn, and in front of the TV we would go.

I often think about my daughters when I make both personal and professional decisions to do things. What am I teaching them?  This quote is so powerful, and  it brought back such good memories that I wanted to capture it here for my daughters.  I hope I trigger the same great joy about their childhood memories and how watching this movie made it special for them.

I then found myself staring at the ruby red shoes and remembering how I wanted so badly to have a pair! Looking at them now I see  a new perspective of what these shoes represent to me.

I now see that those ruby red shoes took Dorothy on that yellow brick road which led her on a path of discovery and exploration. I am currently on my own path of discovery and exploration, and I have such an enormous amount of joy. Having that feeling continues to push me further down that path.

For those of you who have a hard time visualizing what it will be or look like, know that I can relate. I have to constantly remind myself about the wisdom and truth that my executive coach shares with me around strategy and dealing with uncertainty. He reminds me that “you learn by doing and that this is the way you know. You go down that path and fail forward discovering as you go. You can’t steer a parked car. Then things will emerge as you experience them conceptually.”

Whatever is occurring in your life right now I am sure you have asked the question “what am I doing” or “what to I do next?” I encourage you to put those ruby red shoes on and start walking your path of discovery and go explore!

You always had the power, my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself.” – Glinda the Good Witch

I Only Have Time For Enthusiasm

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When I was younger, I may have had more time for drama or giving long hours to complaints. But these days, I run a business, a family and juggle a lot of relationships. I would much rather spend my time around optimism than pessimism. It not only makes me feel better about myself, but I find my outlook on what is possible a great deal higher.

That’s why I seek out experiences and people that are full of enthusiasm. I want to be inspired and go after bigger dreams. I want to laugh and wonder. I am drawn to those things that help me see the positive side of life.

Sure, there are lots of problems around. I solve hard problems every day. But the last thing I need is to add to that heap with negativity.

For me, enthusiasm keeps me out of the pits and helps me look forward.

I guess that’s why I love being around accomplished people that are going after things. I can look in their lives and see how I might do something a bit more wonderful in my own life.

We only have so much time on this planet. And we can control, to a large extent, what comes into our minds and hearts. For me, I will pursue what is good, energizing and enthusiastic.

What would happen if you filtered out the negative?

Great Things Never Came From Comfort Zones

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I recently had a friend who does photography ask if I knew any mother with two daughters that would be interested in modeling for a stylized Mother’s Day creative photo session (contemporary portraits). I don’t think at the time I even thought about what contemporary portraits looked like. I just thought how much fun the experience would be for my girls.

So I was quick to respond back: I am a mother of two teenage daughters.

This would be fun! I would make a day of it with the girls. My friend had told me her vision of colors were black, white and gray. As usual when I have something I think will be fun for the girls and just fun, I will make sure I have everything we need. If not, I am going out to get it.

I did just that. I went out and bought all three of us new shirts with all three different colors and different styles. The girls were excited when I told them what we were going to do. I could tell from the look on their faces that they thought it was so cool and going to be fun.

I had planned that we would get up early that morning. I would set out all their clothes, and I would do their makeup and hair and we would be making good memories. I couldn’t wait. Up until the day before the girls were asking me questions being excited about it

But then the morning of our photo shoot came, and I noticed a change in all of us!

It went from excitement to stress. We were all picking apart the clothes we had and how they fit and looked on us! And then to hair – This piece won’t curl right…I can’t get my mascara to look right…

I was sitting back watching and listening to my girls tear themselves apart all because they were out of their comfort zone. They had never had this experience in life before. I didn’t even consider this would occur.

I feel that way all the time (uncomfortable) and work on it and learn how to embrace it.

But to sit back and watch that unfold with my girls, I thought they are just to young to be feeling this way. Immediately, I wanted to protect them and take those feelings away. It was very difficult for me. I thought, “How do I teach them to turn that fear into courage?” The answer to that question comes at the end.

My friend came and set up, and I am thinking, “Here we go!”

When she was doing individual shots, I just sat back and watched my daughters’ faces and could see the difference between what felt comfortable to them and what was making them uncomfortable. I found myself again wanting to protect them from feeling that way and thinking, “What have I done???They are not enjoying this and this is not how it was suppose to be.”

Just when I thought it couldn’t get worse. My friend then showed us some of our pictures, and of course there were none that we liked! We spent so much time picking ourselves apart again!

My dear friend pointed out to us that it is because this is not how we are used to seeing ourselves.

When you take photos you see yourself laughing, and if you don’t like it, you delete it and keep taking pictures until you find the one that is good for you. We were trying to do that with her vision and creativity.

That was the defining moment for me….we were all out of our comfort zones feeling vulnerable and not realizing the great opportunity we were experiencing. I realized we are missing out on this experience, so I looked at my friend, and I said, “I trust you.” I let go of the control and the fear and let it just be.

My girls looked at me and took my lead. That entire afternoon I couldn’t stop thinking about how vulnerable I felt, but at the same time how good it felt to let it be… I also realized in those feelings I showed my girls how to let that fear go.

You let it go and don’t look back you just keep stretching!

Create Your Own Blueprint

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Have you ever experienced that restless, anxious feeling and weren’t sure what to do about it? For the last couple of years I noticed that I had such a feeling. My thoughts also kept drifting to a bigger question, “What is my purpose? What type of life do I want to live?”

I couldn’t figure out why this question kept coming up, but I know myself, and I could not ignore it. I am built in a way that if there is something that needs to be answered or fixed, I attack the problem. Well, trying to find a quick answer and get the question to stop pervading my thoughts was not happening.

I kept trying to force an answer. All that did was allow more frustration to settle in. I wasn’t getting clear. For the longest time, I found that I could quickly get to answers without a lot of effort. But that wasn’t working for me anymore.

Perhaps my way of thinking needed to change. I decided to pick one thing professionally and personally to change. That meant that I needed to pick the way I thought about a certain topic and be open to the opposite.

On the personal side, I needed to take time for me – just me. I felt I was missing something. I needed to fulfill whatever it was that kept making me feel empty. It took a long time for me to figure out what I was in search for to fulfill the emptiness because I had been looking at other people in my life to fill that emptiness. The truth I have discovered is that we fulfill our own needs, not others.

On the professional side, I was closed to working with a consultant/coach. I guess it was because I saw it as counter to my self-sufficiency. I am motivated, successful, and I don’t need someone to tell me what I already know to do. But finally, I did take that jump towork with a consultant. It is by far the best thing I could have ever done in my professional career.

The work has helped me expand my vision and awareness. There is so much out there that I had been denying myself. I learned that good people in your life, whether personal or professional, make you better.

I also realize that change is overwhelming. That is why I have made it a commitment to focus on one big thing both professionally and personally.

Opening myself up to this commitment has made me happier. I feel greatly fulfilled. In the process, I am creating a new blueprint for my life, and that is because I am growing both professionally and personally.

No one is going to live your life for you. You have to go create your own blueprint and add to it everyday. It means growing continually. You will discover more meaning and joy.

Perhaps you have been delaying taking action on something. Don’t wait. I would encourage you to go do that one thing you have been thinking about doing. Do it for yourself.

Create a Happy Playlist

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I would consider myself to be a very optimistic person.

But I’m like most people and one day, it could be a great day or I could even have several great days, but then that one bad day happens, and it is like none of the previous great days mattered. I get caught up in how bad that day just sucked.

I know I have wasted a lot of time and energy on bad days. I think mostly because people tend to talk more about the bad days than the good ones, so it is easy to get sucked in that environment, especially if that bad day is happening to you.

I think a lot, so it was very obvious to me how much energy I was spending on sometimes just one bad day. Like most things in my life if I recognize something that irritates me and don’t like how it makes me feel, then I work to make a commitment to myself to work on it and change it.

I don’t like to be around or listen to negative people so why be one of those people? It is so my nature that when I am in a situation where I am surrounded by negativity, two things happen: I am visualizing it is a fly, and I have a fly swatter ready to flatten it, and then once it is flattened, I get an overwhelming feeling of wanting to share with them how to just choose a different way of thinking and how that can change the mood.

Is it possible to stop it when it starts? I think for me the biggest help to work on it was acknowledging when it was starting to affect how I feel.

The feelings that made themselves most aware were anxiety, laziness and frustration. Three big ones I think. Out of those three the one that was most apparent for me was laziness. I would lose any type of motivation I had when I started the day. It was like a two year old melt down which would then turn into a pity party. I would get mad, cross my arms, and get crazy stubborn about not doing any work, but just wallowing in my own little pity party. I am totally laughing now to think that being a grown woman I would behave that way.

That is just my point. Is it not just crazy how much time and energy all of us put into negativity? We need to be more engaged with our happy emotions and let those emotions guide us everyday!

Here is how I do it. I created a playlist of just three songs. I picked three that had powerful meaning to me and would easily bring out those happy emotions. I only picked three songs because I wanted something that wouldn’t take long, so it would be easier for me to commit to doing it when I would come up against those emotions.

Here are the three songs I choose and the purpose behind them:

I Wanna See You Be Brave – I think about my three daughters. How grateful I am to have them and what each of them brings to me and how all I ever want them to know is how extremely brave they are and can be.

Empire State of Mind – I always aspired to live in NYC and not really for sure why but can remember feeling that way when I was young and having this insane connection to NYC. I think when I was young, it seemed so intimidating that the intimidation turned into a challenge. When I hear this song and sing the lyrics “if you can make it here you can make it anywhere” “the lights will inspire you, streets will make you feel brand new,” my heart gets beating fast and this overwhelming feeling of I am going to conquer settles in!

Unwritten – This song brings the creative emotions out of me which then turns into passion. I am still writing my story.

I now have turned emotions of anxiety, laziness and frustration to emotions of passion, motivation and gratitude!